This, perhaps, would be more appropriately titled "The Angst of the Unemployed, Married Woman". Note the sequence of the words - they are intentional. The unemployed woman who has suddenly lost her identity as she knows it. Which leads to the following situation as a one act soliloquy.
What am I doing here, sitting at the comp and why am I not at the party. If going to a party together is becoming difficult, where are we headed. Can we talk about it? No, we cant. Why not? It seems too much like nagging sessions and a nag is the last thing that I ever wanted to turn into ,and also we can both do without the arguments and the endless discussions leading nowhere. So, why am I not at the party, again? Because the scene has been the same at the last three and the only three I have been to. Have spent a large part of the time searching for my better half. Else, he has introduced me to someone and then beaten a hasty retreat, as if to say, so I have now handed over the responsibility.
Do I have my own friend circle? Is it possible to make your own friends in an environment which is alien to you? Had many call to ask if I was coming but how do I explain the sense of loneliness when I see them enjoying with their partners while I stand alone.
Have my expectations grown? Do I see more people now and wonder, why is my life not like that. Is it a limitation at my end, that I am just not deserving enough or is it the wrong choices in life.
How differently is my life panning out from my mother's and the countless women before her.
I think it has been wrong choices - never put someone else's interests before your own. I just hope there is opportunity enough to correct these mistakes. Why do I consider coming a mistake. Because I can't get the answer to the question - if you keep lamenting for the life of a bachelor, why do you need a spouse to cook, clean and iron for you. I am unemployed because we came as a team but we are not one anymore. Why then do I need to do the work? Is it some sort of financial arrangement?? Am I working to earn my stay - because that is what it feels like.
Is marriage my new job?
What am I doing here, sitting at the comp and why am I not at the party. If going to a party together is becoming difficult, where are we headed. Can we talk about it? No, we cant. Why not? It seems too much like nagging sessions and a nag is the last thing that I ever wanted to turn into ,and also we can both do without the arguments and the endless discussions leading nowhere. So, why am I not at the party, again? Because the scene has been the same at the last three and the only three I have been to. Have spent a large part of the time searching for my better half. Else, he has introduced me to someone and then beaten a hasty retreat, as if to say, so I have now handed over the responsibility.
Do I have my own friend circle? Is it possible to make your own friends in an environment which is alien to you? Had many call to ask if I was coming but how do I explain the sense of loneliness when I see them enjoying with their partners while I stand alone.
Have my expectations grown? Do I see more people now and wonder, why is my life not like that. Is it a limitation at my end, that I am just not deserving enough or is it the wrong choices in life.
How differently is my life panning out from my mother's and the countless women before her.
I think it has been wrong choices - never put someone else's interests before your own. I just hope there is opportunity enough to correct these mistakes. Why do I consider coming a mistake. Because I can't get the answer to the question - if you keep lamenting for the life of a bachelor, why do you need a spouse to cook, clean and iron for you. I am unemployed because we came as a team but we are not one anymore. Why then do I need to do the work? Is it some sort of financial arrangement?? Am I working to earn my stay - because that is what it feels like.
Is marriage my new job?
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