Depression

This, perhaps, would be more appropriately titled "The Angst of the Unemployed, Married Woman". Note the sequence of the words - they are intentional. The unemployed woman who has suddenly lost her identity as she knows it. Which leads to the following situation as a one act soliloquy.

What am I doing here, sitting at the comp and why am I not at the party. If going to a party together is becoming difficult, where are we headed. Can we talk about it? No, we cant. Why not? It seems too much like nagging sessions and a nag is the last thing that I ever wanted to turn into ,and also we can both do without the arguments and the endless discussions leading nowhere. So, why am I not at the party, again? Because the scene has been the same at the last three and the only three I have been to. Have spent a large part of the time searching for my better half. Else, he has introduced me to someone and then beaten a hasty retreat, as if to say, so I have now handed over the responsibility.

Do I have my own friend circle? Is it possible to make your own friends in an environment which is alien to you? Had many call to ask if I was coming but how do I explain the sense of loneliness when I see them enjoying with their partners while I stand alone.

Have my expectations grown? Do I see more people now and wonder, why is my life not like that. Is it a limitation at my end, that I am just not deserving enough or is it the wrong choices in life.

How differently is my life panning out from my mother's and the countless women before her.

I think it has been wrong choices - never put someone else's interests before your own. I just hope there is opportunity enough to correct these mistakes. Why do I consider coming a mistake. Because I can't get the answer to the question - if you keep lamenting for the life of a bachelor, why do you need a spouse to cook, clean and iron for you. I am unemployed because we came as a team but we are not one anymore. Why then do I need to do the work? Is it some sort of financial arrangement?? Am I working to earn my stay - because that is what it feels like.

Is marriage my new job?

Am I a romantic or is it called being a traditionalist?

Just finished reading "Tender is the night". And now I'm wondering - Is it about the slow disintegration of a man who needed to be loved, appreciated and put on a pedestal by those around him? Is it just an autobiographical venture? Or isn't it the story of any marriage, if you just leave out the Riviera and the neurological problems etc. I guess, in some way or the other, we all need the love, adoration and appreciation. For some it comes from children, for some from spouses and these days more and more from work.

But thats where the romantic, or is it tradionalist, in me came out - I couldn't read about the marriage failing. It had me depressed for the rest of the evening. We all have our bag of tricks for the world and with time the charm of these traits will certainly wear off for the "better half" and then, the next person who comes along might seem more interesting.....But if this is so, what is the meaning of a marriage, it would be so transitory.....

...At this stage in my life, I believe in the permanency. I believe in the "friends forever".

The coincidence was that the Roos threw a wedding party before they left for Down under and we were asked to give wedding advice (being the longest wed). Tweedledum said "Always ensure there is lots of drink, lots of rock and roll and lots of sex". I felt like adding "...and keep laughing at the same jokes". Simple solutions for complex problems......

National humour and lasagna

Had a bit of a culinary stroke of luck for the farewell lunch. Was to make corn capsicum and realised too late that there wasn't enough corn. Decided to use up all the vegetables I had and made some sort of a layered dish with spinach curry, white sauce and then tomato curry. Went down well!!! The day was of course dedicated to food. Post the lunch, had a cooking class for vegetable lasagna. And it was good! Couldnt imagine lasagna without the meat - but Roosevelt did a great job with spinach, ricotta and loads and loads of tomatoes. And her house is in the prettiest environs ever!!

In another vein, how different are jokes across countries - saw that when the countries were bidding for the national week slots. Each must have tried to make theirs as funny as possible. But in the end, through my eyes, Australia was highly risque and violent, Germany was good humour, enjoyed it, the French I didnt even understand (why did they have a frog prancing about???), Canada-America so-so (The Apprentice is oh-so american..)and of course, I laughed the most for mine. Have no idea how much the rest of the world understood of the jokes.....

21st June - the place to be is France!

What a week! Its been packed! Though yesterday certainly takes the cake. The Fete de la Musique! What an amazing concept! I didnt get to Paris, in the end but Fontainebleau was quite a revelation too. Different bands playing a variety of music (soul, jazz, classical, you name it) and groups of people dancing, singing, playing together....just about anything. It felt like an Indian wedding where you have counters for Chinese, Bhelpuri, North Indian, South indian food. Here, if you want, jazz, you went to one place, hard rock was another, rock a third, soul another 300 m down the line. And all this on Rue Grande. And they were good!!! A lady on the trumpet was truly mind-boggling as was a lead vocalist at another "counter". On one of the Rue Pietonnes, a 10 year old girl had come out with her violin and was playing on the street. I really oughtt to start practicing. She was great...and just 10!!! And, of course, as usual, I had forgotten the camera....

Btw, have I mentioned the baingan ka bharta with peas and olives. Tried it out with olives - great flavour!!

Yoga, sweets and turkey

Great achievement in the last 24 hours. I have finally managed to get into Sirsasana. Of course, it was with Tweedledum holding up my legs. Hopefully, the body should be able to do so on its own, sometime soon.

And in a completely different vein, cooked turkey at home. Thought it might taste good in a rogan josh sort of way. While quite delicious, it is preferable not to cook it like a red meat. The taste is closer to the rest of its bretheren from the poultry world.

Have to do something about the diamond barfi - had some 12 pieces yesterday alone. I think hiding it at the back of the refrigerator may be one of the options.

Random fact of the day: This is how fans find links. As per a fact site, Steely Dan and Eagles seem to have formed a mutual admiration/ hit group.....remember the reference to "....with their steely knives". It appears to have been in response to "turn up the Eagles, the neighbours are listening" (Everything you did). .....I prefer the connotations I have always found in Hotel California

Start off!

This was something I had wanted to do as soon as we landed at Fontainebleau. It just shows my record breaking levels of procrastination that I have initiated the blog a good 6 months later. Though, what with preparations for the exams, I dont think I have really missed recording all that much.

Am planning on an extremely sack out day today - a jog in the park, perhaps home-made pizza for lunch, a couple of attempts at the violin - and the unfortunate part which involves ironing clothes. Why we cant have an invention, a spray, which leads to automatic straightening of clothes, is beyond my comprehension. It might be more useful than a flat screen TV, even with the world cup on.

The pizza class on Thursday was most interesting. If you have an oven, it is quite a simple affair. Though unfortuantely, I am more of a deep dish person rather than the Italian thinner variety. The good part is that I have some of the dough in the freezer - will try and roll it a little thicker and then check out the final result. If I can crack it - we are all set for the remaining 6 months in Fonty. Have been missing my spicy chicken pizza from Dominoes.

Lets get on with the day!!